America Revisited

So here I am on leave and I have found that my fears of coming home to the States were well founded. I've found that while the majority of the Americans I meet are genuinely gratefull for the sacrifice that I and my fellow brothers and sisters have made the American “machine”, however, tends to run us over. First of all Delta Airlines which normally hooks me up with a pretty good military discount left me high and dry. Now before you think I'm just looking for a free ride, let me just say that I didn't start claiming my military discounts until after my first tour in Iraq. First thing I did was reclaim my Indiana Jones Hat and my Duster. Then I went to Walmart, I hate Walmart, to buy a funny ass cartoon called Boondocks. I got carded because apparently being in the military doesn't prove I'm over seventeen. Most people would be flattered to be mistook as ten years younger, but I like how old I am and just wanted to choke the old ass bitch who carded me. Next step was renting a car so my pudding ass could get around whilst I was here. Enterprise Rental wouldn't rent to me because being in the military wasn't proof of employment and since I don't live in the States I'm not able to prove that I pay my utilities. Oh and they don't take cash because I'm in the States. Welcome home Mike. I find a way to go visit some people that are important to me and one of those “peeps” as I guess they are called was an ex-girlfriend. We've been friends for seven years and my wife, Stacie wanted to meet her. I wanted to meet her husband because I heard so much about him while I was away and he's a fellow service member in the Nation Guard or Reserves. I can't remember which. All I'm saying is Stacie and I only stayed like fourtyfive minutes and left because we had plans with Stacie's family. The visit was nice and he seemed like a pretty cool guy till yesterday. He sent me a message to say he realized that me and my friend dated once seven years not even while he was with her and now from what I gathered he's letting his marriage fall apart. A fellow service member who doesn't know the value of his own family is going to let the love of his life die because he thought he was the only one to have what he has. The sad thing is I knew that shit before I went to Iraq. Watch Chasing Amy and you'll get it next week brotha. Next comes and twentyone year old fuck who shows up at a party one night when I'm hanging with DW, Dr. Robinson, Hot Ham McCartney, Mel, and of course my lovely wife Stacie. This guy was asking me all about Iraq. I didn't mind because his cousin is in Iraq right now in a place I've visited before. So I told him about the area, because it's not safe but it's not too bad. I'm trying to give this cat some verbal relax pills because he's spasin' out because he's close to his cousin. After that he goes and drinks double his weight in booze and falls, I'll say that again, FALLS out of a window. At this point we're trying to get him to leave but he's not being too crazy so it's all good still. We've all been there before. I'm one of the last people to leave the party and on my way out this jackass says that he doesn't even believe that I've been in Iraq. So I did what any person pushed to his limit and refusing to turn the other cheek because of where I've been does I bitch slapped him. That wasn't enough though so I punched him and knocked him out. I then straddled him and hit him twine times more before my buddy pulled me off of him. Next I find out that one of my friends I wanted to see were going to throw a party for me and not invite my wife. Wrong answer and that person's dead to me now. It's a shame because she was really cool, at least I thought she was. Last bad thing to happen so far is thanks once again to Delta. Stacie was taken with pneumonia and we pushed our flight back to the next Monday. Well Delta told us when we bought the tickets that for two hundred a ticket we could change our times. All of a sudden they pull out a new number from the hat, nine hundred per ticket. Well after Stacie went to the doctor the doc gave here a note saying what she had and they gave us all the cash back but two hundred so that's better then eighteen hundred.
On the other hand I've been able to see so many friends that I've missed so much. I also reconciled with Brad. Sure he fucked my exwife while I was in Iraq the last time but she was a whore. It was bound to happen and my marriage now is so strong and happy that I can't even remember what I was mad at him about. I should've shook his hand. Not really but you know what I'm saying. I'll be happy as hell to get back to Germany because Germany and Europe make sense. Loons run around America and I don't like to be around them. I like being the only loon around, or at least the only one I can understand.

See you all further down the road.

Mike

Post Script- The guy who went half crazy when he found out his wife had dated me seven years ago has come to his senses and he and his wife have reconciled. I'm glad to hear it because she's a good friend of mine and he wasn't that bad of a guy when I met him. No more secrets from each other if your reading this guys. You two are the most important people in your lives. Be open books with each other and cherish every moment together. All my best, Mike