The Oregon: Year One - The Tale of the Council of Evil
Now let me start off by saying that the Council of Evil (COE) was running full force before we really made it official. You see the COE consisted of four members, Dan as President, myself as Vice Presedent, Joe as Treasurer, and Jim as PR guy. Dan and Joe and I drank together always so the majority of our past antics could be classified as COE sanction.
Dan and I were sitting in the corner booth one night drinking and watching whatever random stranger was walking through our house that night and we began to talk. You see our reputation as drunken party boys had reach legendary status. However, we were kind of in dire need of a break. Going full tilt boogie for the entire summer was starting to take it's toll. Dan and I came up with the COE as a way for us to stop drinking so fast like everyone expected us to and to take asside one guest per night and force them to drink the way we normally do. Thus making them sick or uncontrolably drunk. We'd then turn them loose into an unsuspecting party and watch the debachary. It would have worked too had we not been uncontrolable lushes.
The heirarchy of the COE was how I stated above. Jim had pulled the lowest end of the totem pull because we drew jobs out of our vast imaginations. All elected in the pirate tradition. Any position could be challenged at any time and the challenger and challenged would face off in the fine fighting style of Gombea Parry. Don't ask me if that's how you spell it I don't know. Anyway, the two would face each other and hold one of their feet behind their back with one hand. The other hand is strictly used for balance and then they would hop on one foot into each other and the first person to fall loses. Thus if the challenged lost the challenger got his postion. Needless to say it gets pretty interesting when four drunk assholes are hopping around on one foot trying to knock each other down in the front yard.
Bob-o was the COE's sole victim and it's a place in history that I'm sure he treasures as much as we do. We lost sight of our mission statement the next week when wonder of wonder no one showed up at The Oregon to party. The Party Wagon was made ready and we armed ourselves with our chosen weapons. Dan with Mighty Bo Staff, me with The Axe Handle of DOOM, Jim with Segmented Staff of Publicity, and Joe with Frightening Katana. We had concerns about Joes choice of weapon but we weren't going to tell him to not take it while he was holding it and so we were off. Now we found that our friends the Bailey's were having a party at thier house in town so we pulled into the driveway and assumed formation 1. It was the only formation we had and it was us simply standing in the driveway in a line. Dan and I banged our weapons on the ground and called out for all to hear, "Come all and pay heed! We shall lead you to a promised land for which to party in without hassle from the Police! Follow us to The Oregon." The word spread like wild fire as we headed for home where we promply called the cops.
All arrived as expected and it was a huge crowd. Music floated up from the basement and the stereo blarred in the living room. The corner booth was once again filled with a rowdy game of Circle of Terror and all was right with the world. The Council of Evil had brought the party home. Well it turns out the the Bailey's had invited people that they were friends with but knew we didn't much care for them and that's why they had it at their house. Apparently these were the kind of people who got drunk and wanted to fight. So when the enevitable happened Joe was out there keeping the peace. I had since left the party and Biff Calhoon showed up. It was about this time that I saw Joe out front and Dan and Biff went out to back his play. When Biff got on the scene he assessed the situation and got in between Joe and a guy named Anthony Vozar. He said, " Guys lets calm down and have a drink." Then Biff punched Joe in the mouth. Joe and I started to roll around the yard and Dan was laughing and dancing and waitting to join the fray. It would not be long before I drug him in too. I got up and grabed a Tiki Torch from the driveway and swung and missed Joe. I swung around again at Dan and clocked him right in the head. I swear to God he did one of those Matrix spins where his whole body spun in the air horizontally and he flew from the soft grass to the hard driveway. Where he lay content with his part of the fight. Joe and I fought some more and he broke my glasses. Everyone else just watched as the people who lived in the house fought each other for no reason. Then I grabbed my hat and coat and started walking. I was in a drunken angery bloodlust and I couldn't calm down so in my infinite wisdom I started walking to my mother's house. I made a wrong turn and ended up by the railroad tracks were Dan's car driven by Dr. Robinson who was sober tracked me down. they tried to get out of the car and get me to come home but I growled at them like an animal. Then when I saw that I had crossed the tracks I went to my future ex-wife's house where her very tired mother opened the door at two in the morning. Dan says, "For only pennies a day you too can take care of a small child like Mike" and ran back to the car and left. I spent the night there and left in the morning still drunk and still blind.
Thus the Council of Evil was born and made it's name known to the innocent everywhere. We would hold meetings in the front yard and discuss buisiness and plan the next debachary. At these meetings we would drink from our bottles and Dan would amuse himself by convincing Joe and I that we could get the fire screens off Bacardi 151 bottles with our teeth and when we tried we both bit the necks of our bottles off. Let me tell you it's hard to drink out of a bottle with a broken neck when your mouth is all cut up from the glass and the booze lets you know just how dumb you were a few minutes ago. Well we had many an adventure after that. We were less involved with the destroying of others and more concerned with our planned theme parties but it all worked out for the better. A classy organization for some really unclassy guys.
See you all later down the road....
Mike
To read about the Cookie Sheet Challenge, which explains why I've been racking my brain to figure out why the COE and CSC have been stuck in my head together because they were the same night, and what the good Dr. Robinson was up to during the ruckus please read Dr. R's blog.
http://drrobinson.blogspot.com/2007/06/oregon-year-one-tale-of-council-of-evil.html
Dan and I were sitting in the corner booth one night drinking and watching whatever random stranger was walking through our house that night and we began to talk. You see our reputation as drunken party boys had reach legendary status. However, we were kind of in dire need of a break. Going full tilt boogie for the entire summer was starting to take it's toll. Dan and I came up with the COE as a way for us to stop drinking so fast like everyone expected us to and to take asside one guest per night and force them to drink the way we normally do. Thus making them sick or uncontrolably drunk. We'd then turn them loose into an unsuspecting party and watch the debachary. It would have worked too had we not been uncontrolable lushes.
The heirarchy of the COE was how I stated above. Jim had pulled the lowest end of the totem pull because we drew jobs out of our vast imaginations. All elected in the pirate tradition. Any position could be challenged at any time and the challenger and challenged would face off in the fine fighting style of Gombea Parry. Don't ask me if that's how you spell it I don't know. Anyway, the two would face each other and hold one of their feet behind their back with one hand. The other hand is strictly used for balance and then they would hop on one foot into each other and the first person to fall loses. Thus if the challenged lost the challenger got his postion. Needless to say it gets pretty interesting when four drunk assholes are hopping around on one foot trying to knock each other down in the front yard.
Bob-o was the COE's sole victim and it's a place in history that I'm sure he treasures as much as we do. We lost sight of our mission statement the next week when wonder of wonder no one showed up at The Oregon to party. The Party Wagon was made ready and we armed ourselves with our chosen weapons. Dan with Mighty Bo Staff, me with The Axe Handle of DOOM, Jim with Segmented Staff of Publicity, and Joe with Frightening Katana. We had concerns about Joes choice of weapon but we weren't going to tell him to not take it while he was holding it and so we were off. Now we found that our friends the Bailey's were having a party at thier house in town so we pulled into the driveway and assumed formation 1. It was the only formation we had and it was us simply standing in the driveway in a line. Dan and I banged our weapons on the ground and called out for all to hear, "Come all and pay heed! We shall lead you to a promised land for which to party in without hassle from the Police! Follow us to The Oregon." The word spread like wild fire as we headed for home where we promply called the cops.
All arrived as expected and it was a huge crowd. Music floated up from the basement and the stereo blarred in the living room. The corner booth was once again filled with a rowdy game of Circle of Terror and all was right with the world. The Council of Evil had brought the party home. Well it turns out the the Bailey's had invited people that they were friends with but knew we didn't much care for them and that's why they had it at their house. Apparently these were the kind of people who got drunk and wanted to fight. So when the enevitable happened Joe was out there keeping the peace. I had since left the party and Biff Calhoon showed up. It was about this time that I saw Joe out front and Dan and Biff went out to back his play. When Biff got on the scene he assessed the situation and got in between Joe and a guy named Anthony Vozar. He said, " Guys lets calm down and have a drink." Then Biff punched Joe in the mouth. Joe and I started to roll around the yard and Dan was laughing and dancing and waitting to join the fray. It would not be long before I drug him in too. I got up and grabed a Tiki Torch from the driveway and swung and missed Joe. I swung around again at Dan and clocked him right in the head. I swear to God he did one of those Matrix spins where his whole body spun in the air horizontally and he flew from the soft grass to the hard driveway. Where he lay content with his part of the fight. Joe and I fought some more and he broke my glasses. Everyone else just watched as the people who lived in the house fought each other for no reason. Then I grabbed my hat and coat and started walking. I was in a drunken angery bloodlust and I couldn't calm down so in my infinite wisdom I started walking to my mother's house. I made a wrong turn and ended up by the railroad tracks were Dan's car driven by Dr. Robinson who was sober tracked me down. they tried to get out of the car and get me to come home but I growled at them like an animal. Then when I saw that I had crossed the tracks I went to my future ex-wife's house where her very tired mother opened the door at two in the morning. Dan says, "For only pennies a day you too can take care of a small child like Mike" and ran back to the car and left. I spent the night there and left in the morning still drunk and still blind.
Thus the Council of Evil was born and made it's name known to the innocent everywhere. We would hold meetings in the front yard and discuss buisiness and plan the next debachary. At these meetings we would drink from our bottles and Dan would amuse himself by convincing Joe and I that we could get the fire screens off Bacardi 151 bottles with our teeth and when we tried we both bit the necks of our bottles off. Let me tell you it's hard to drink out of a bottle with a broken neck when your mouth is all cut up from the glass and the booze lets you know just how dumb you were a few minutes ago. Well we had many an adventure after that. We were less involved with the destroying of others and more concerned with our planned theme parties but it all worked out for the better. A classy organization for some really unclassy guys.
See you all later down the road....
Mike
To read about the Cookie Sheet Challenge, which explains why I've been racking my brain to figure out why the COE and CSC have been stuck in my head together because they were the same night, and what the good Dr. Robinson was up to during the ruckus please read Dr. R's blog.
http://drrobinson.blogspot.com/2007/06/oregon-year-one-tale-of-council-of-evil.html
posted by Mike | 12:56 PM
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