Welcome to the Freak Show
Well here we are again eh? It’s time for yet another journey into the life I dare call a adventure but adventure really doesn’t really begin to describe it. I really think that I have a spellbinders way about me that infects those that I’ve been around for awhile, and turns them into crazy ass people just like me. Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t care about the artificial boundaries that we as a society have trapped ourselves in. I don’t care about political correctness or sexual harassment. In fact I’ve always thought her ass was two words anyway. I’ve found that no matter who I’m with or what a persons background is after about a week of constant contact I can pretty much cross any line I want and nobody thinks I’ve done anything wrong. No one ever seems to get offended. This strange spell I weave is a tricky mistress though when it turns around and focuses on me. You see I have thoroughly infected my fellow soldiers and these guys were already crazy to begin with.
Welcome to the Freak show! These guys are some of the funniest people in the world and we make everyday like a fucked up circus with a massive freak show exhibit. We have the “Mad” Cuban who had a Spartan helmet made of foil and cardboard. He also does a very good camel spider impersonation. We have the SSG “G” who craves peanut butter and has a rubber chicken as a pet. We have the CTU agents. I force fed 24 to two of my buddies and now they are hooked and Jack Bauer and his plight are always on the forefront of their minds. One of those guys, Rymer, is also a firebug. A firebug is a nice term for pyromaniac. I can’t get enough fire in my life. The bigger the better and no matter how out of control it looks we always have it all under control. *Glances nervously around* We have crazy guys who act like they’re wacked out on goof balls for no other reason but that life is boring any other way. There’s a guy who don’s the moniker General Scooter. Of course I have my fellow pirate crewmembers Casey, PP “The Bastard” Lepew, Panique, and Domenico, Dom “The Boss Hog” Carbone. I’ve been lucky as hell to know these guys and love the carnival air we have around us constantly. Making the most out of all the crap we’ve been dished out by life. In fact I’ve come to think that the only people worth knowing are the ones life has crapped on just a little. People who’ve lived the good life all their lives don’t really know how to enjoy themselves. They’re the ones that require my magic to make them get the joke instead of “be” the joke. *Chuckles*
So anyhoot, back to my spell turning on me, my birthday was back on November 6th. I’ve been working at night recently so I was hoping that I would get away with not seeing too many of my friends at all that day. Birthdays get crazy over here. Unfortunately for me my platoon sergeant got me out of work for that night. When he told me I thought that was cool. I went and called my wife and talked to her for a while and it was great to hear her voice. That was truly the best gift I got. Then came the gag gift. I went back to the Underdog café to relax and enjoy a rare day off in this crazy city called Ramadi. My fellow pirate Casey Panique gets up and announces my birthday and leads everyone into singing the birthday song. Then he yells, “Get him boys”. Six to eight guys grab me and throw me on a table. I couldn’t really tell how many people were holding me because I was too busy been thrown around like a damn rag doll. Ol’ Panique sprays shaving cream all over my face and then they take my shirt off and begin to shave and draw on my chest. By the time those jerks were done I looked like a modern art masterpiece with a bad case of the mange. Worse then that is there are pictures floating around waiting for me to run for some kind of office. I had to go and shave the rest of it off and then go through the insane annoyance of it growing it back. Now I used to get in trouble in school for “not” shaving. The truth is I shaved everyday it’s just that I have like mutant hair that grows back within an hour. I now know that that doesn’t just apply to my face. Within a few hours I felt the first itches that would haunt me for weeks. It still itches a little bit the bastards. It’s all in good fun and we all had a great laugh about it. Nothing but fun over here helps to make this messed up experience livable. The adventure ever continues. I can’t wait to see what the next craziness is going to be. We’re due for something big. It’s been a while. Maybe I’ll work on that tonight.
I’ll see you all further down the road.
Mike
Captain “Barnacle” Biff Calhoon
*Note that the term freak is not used in a derogatory form as it would usually suggest. I’m amongst those I’ve named freaks and I don’t ever talk myself down. I have too much shine and I never want to dim it.
Welcome to the Freak show! These guys are some of the funniest people in the world and we make everyday like a fucked up circus with a massive freak show exhibit. We have the “Mad” Cuban who had a Spartan helmet made of foil and cardboard. He also does a very good camel spider impersonation. We have the SSG “G” who craves peanut butter and has a rubber chicken as a pet. We have the CTU agents. I force fed 24 to two of my buddies and now they are hooked and Jack Bauer and his plight are always on the forefront of their minds. One of those guys, Rymer, is also a firebug. A firebug is a nice term for pyromaniac. I can’t get enough fire in my life. The bigger the better and no matter how out of control it looks we always have it all under control. *Glances nervously around* We have crazy guys who act like they’re wacked out on goof balls for no other reason but that life is boring any other way. There’s a guy who don’s the moniker General Scooter. Of course I have my fellow pirate crewmembers Casey, PP “The Bastard” Lepew, Panique, and Domenico, Dom “The Boss Hog” Carbone. I’ve been lucky as hell to know these guys and love the carnival air we have around us constantly. Making the most out of all the crap we’ve been dished out by life. In fact I’ve come to think that the only people worth knowing are the ones life has crapped on just a little. People who’ve lived the good life all their lives don’t really know how to enjoy themselves. They’re the ones that require my magic to make them get the joke instead of “be” the joke. *Chuckles*
So anyhoot, back to my spell turning on me, my birthday was back on November 6th. I’ve been working at night recently so I was hoping that I would get away with not seeing too many of my friends at all that day. Birthdays get crazy over here. Unfortunately for me my platoon sergeant got me out of work for that night. When he told me I thought that was cool. I went and called my wife and talked to her for a while and it was great to hear her voice. That was truly the best gift I got. Then came the gag gift. I went back to the Underdog café to relax and enjoy a rare day off in this crazy city called Ramadi. My fellow pirate Casey Panique gets up and announces my birthday and leads everyone into singing the birthday song. Then he yells, “Get him boys”. Six to eight guys grab me and throw me on a table. I couldn’t really tell how many people were holding me because I was too busy been thrown around like a damn rag doll. Ol’ Panique sprays shaving cream all over my face and then they take my shirt off and begin to shave and draw on my chest. By the time those jerks were done I looked like a modern art masterpiece with a bad case of the mange. Worse then that is there are pictures floating around waiting for me to run for some kind of office. I had to go and shave the rest of it off and then go through the insane annoyance of it growing it back. Now I used to get in trouble in school for “not” shaving. The truth is I shaved everyday it’s just that I have like mutant hair that grows back within an hour. I now know that that doesn’t just apply to my face. Within a few hours I felt the first itches that would haunt me for weeks. It still itches a little bit the bastards. It’s all in good fun and we all had a great laugh about it. Nothing but fun over here helps to make this messed up experience livable. The adventure ever continues. I can’t wait to see what the next craziness is going to be. We’re due for something big. It’s been a while. Maybe I’ll work on that tonight.
I’ll see you all further down the road.
Mike
Captain “Barnacle” Biff Calhoon
*Note that the term freak is not used in a derogatory form as it would usually suggest. I’m amongst those I’ve named freaks and I don’t ever talk myself down. I have too much shine and I never want to dim it.
posted by Mike | 1:25 PM
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